This made me laugh so hard, all day.

My friend, Megs, and I are going to have a garage sale tomorrow. My house looks like a tornado hit it. I feel like we're moving again! We really needed to de-junk. And I'm soooo glad to be having a garage sale with someone else. It's intimidating.

Megs wanted to advertise in the newspaper, and she had her hubby, Mark, write up the ad. It was so funny that I just had to share. I was working out in the yard for the majority of the day yesterday, and I kept thinking about it and laughing out loud. I was literally LOL. Here's our ad:

SWEET & AWESOME GARAGE SALE

Got a baby? Get it clothed! Yeah, there are going to be baby clothes here, as well as kid-sized clothing for when baby grows all big and monstrous. Baby just want to play? Get it some new toys that are no longer new! There are even toys for your older kids. Are you naked, ladies? You poor things! Get yourselves clothed, as there's plenty for you to wear here. Like to watch TV, but forgot you need need one? Hot pocket, there are going to be TWO. Need to print something off your com•pu•ter? Printer. Need a new hobby? Try wakeboarding on a bicycle underwater with your brand new used scuba gear! Need to get the hell outta Dodge? LUGGAGE! Need to alternately sit/lay somewhere? Futon to the rescue! Sweet poopin' pants, what are you waiting for? I'll tell you what: you need something to remember this all by—so we're selling scrapbooking supplies, to boot!

[address is here]
8am to Noon

Bring your own breakfast; it's going to be LEGENDARY*.

(*Legendary status isn't guaranteed. Prepare for the mundane, but hope for the best.)

Hahaha! I kept thinking about the "sweet poopin' pants!" and that's when I would start giggling. I think I need to make that my new catchphrase. "Sweet poopin' pants!"

Crafty Kar

I was in Porter's a couple of weeks before Mother's Day, and I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw a display for these Father's Day block thingeys. I thought, "Oh my gosh, that would be so cute as a Mother's Day gift for mom." The wooden blocks were on sale, so I bought three, found some pre-made wooden letters, and set out to find some cute decorative paper. I found some in a gardening theme, along with embellishments that went with it, and I said, "Bingo!" My mom is a master gardener. She loves puttering in her garden (like me). And the paper was GORGEOUS.

I texted my sistahs and asked if they wanted to contribute to the Cute Mother's Day Block Gift, and they all readily agreed.

I painted the blocks dark brown with acrylic paint. Then I cut the paper to fit the blocks and mod-podged it on all six sides of each block. Then I painted the wood letters and hot-glued them onto the blocks. Finally, I hot-glued embellishments on the blocks - just on the fronts and tops.

Here's the finished product!:

Could you just die???

I sat there, staring at it, so enamored, that I finally decided to go buy more supplies and make one for myself:

Mom loooooved hers. And I still have mine displayed, though Mother's Day is long past. :)

Flahs...

...as Eliza Doolittle would say.

Want to see my pretty springtime flowers? Sorry if this is boring to you, but flowers make me really, really happy. They bring me joy. So I'm putting them on here.

Sadly, my forsythia only had a few blooms this year. I wonder what's wrong. Maybe my clayish soil in the backyard. With ten zillion worms in it.

My irises, of course, are happy. They're always happy. I could put them on a piece of cement, instead of in soil, and they would probably still bloom. They're great.

My tulips, which are now all gone. But they were showy and gorgeous while they lasted:

I scored several telstars for Mother's Day again this year. I had no idea that telstars were perennials! I didn't have time to pull them out last fall when they died back (I thought they just died), and they came back this year!!

Ben gave me four bluebell plants. They were so pretty and happy...

...until I put them in the ground. Now they're pissed, despite my babying them. I hope they can get over themselves. But who knows. Maybe bluebells only bloom once and then die back. I do know they're perennials. And that is often the way perennials are. One bloom, and done.

My candy tufts have been phenomenally beautiful this year:

My daffodils were pretty. Now they're also gone:

Benny, watering my plants.

I don't know how guys can push their stomachs out like that. It's crazy.

I have been worrying soooo much about my beautiful flowers - who will water them and weed their beds while I'm gone? I thought. But then we came up with a wonderful solution. My friend, Linds, and her soon-to-be hubby, Kyle, are going to live here while we're gone! Now I have someone who will take care of my lawn and flowers (and cat), and they can live somewhere for cheap rent! Oh, and they'll be here so that my drug dealer neighbors don't break in and cook meth in my kitchen. Lyner and I are both terribly pleased with the arrangement. They don't have furniture yet, so we won't have to move our furniture out. I'll just pack away our personal things and let them live on our furniture. I totally, fully trust she and Kyle to take good care of my home while we're gone. Thanks, Linds.

16 Items They Only Sell at Chinese Walmarts

Megs and Mark sent this to my e-mail a couple of weeks ago:

Walmart is a little different in China. They sell some really weird stuff there.

1. Wal-Mart brand spirits ($.15)

2. Turtles

3. Rib Cages

4. Pig Faces

5. Ducks

6. Orange juice packaged with cooking oil

7. Mixed Meat

8. Frogs

9. Crocodiles

10. A large selection of chopsticks

11. Boxes of Liquor

12. Bulk Rice

13. Great Value Brand Beef Granules

14. Antibacterial Bikini Underwear for Men

15. Assorted Dried Reptiles

16. ?

Hahaha! Vomit, right? This is going to be quite the adventure. Maybe I'll lose my appetite so often that I'll lose weight over there??? One can only hope. :) I'll be like, "Hm, I'm hungry. Time for a snack. Pig faces? Naw.... Dried reptile parts? Naw..... I'll just drink bottled water."

Muscles

We went to The Olive Garden tonight for dinner with our good friends, Megs and Mark (and their kids). I was kind of down on one side of the table next to Megs and Mark, and Ben was kind of down at the other side with the kids. We were all eating our meals, and Megs looks down at Ben and says, "Did Ben get muscles?"

I looked at her, puzzled, then looked at Ben. The man hasn't lifted weights since I've ever known him. I looked back at her and said, "Uh, no..."

She realized what I was thinking and laughed. "No, no, no!" she said, "I meant mussels! Like the shellfish!"

I looked over at his plate. Sure enough, he had eaten mussels for dinner. I laughed.

Sleepswearing

Do you remember these guys, The Romantics, a band from the '80's?:

They sang that song, "I hear...the secrets that you keep...when you're talking in your sleep..." I love that song. I love eighties songs. And these guys have some sweet hair.

I've always been a huge sleeptalker. My cousins once told me, at a family reunion, that one night, I sat up straight in bed with my arms over my head, yelling, "WE HAVE TO KEEP THE BOMB ABOVE WATER!!!"

My roommate in London said that I once giggled all flirtatiously and said, "Hi, my name is Kar. Hee-hee-hee!" Special.

A couple of nights ago, I was asleep when Benny came to bed. I guess he farted really loudly before he came to bed. I sat up in bed, yelled, "DAMN!", gave him a mean look, then lay back down and zonked out immediately. Ben thought this was so funny that he could not stop laughing. He lay there in bed for like half an hour, laughing so loud and so hard, and I didn't wake up or hear one dang thing. He told me about all this the next morning, and I had noooo memory of any of it.

If you have a new follower today...

...on your blog, that is, it's me! It's me!

I finally officially "followed" all the blogs I've been following for weeks, months, or years.

I don't know about you, but when I see my side bar thingey that shows my followers, and I see that fifteen people care about what I have to say, it really, really makes my day. I mean, I blog for me, right? But it's nice to feel...validated. Supported. So that's why I did it. I wanted to make your day.

And I wanted to make my day, too. If you're following me, but not officially following me, will ya push that button over there to the right? Thanks. Spread the love.