Moley Moley Moley Moley

This post is about moles. But not these kinds:

However, look at how stinkin' CUTE those kinds of moles are! He looks like he's smiling!! And look at how weird his feet are.

Anyways.

When I taught school, I had this girl named Jacey. She was adorable, but soooo uninterested in doing work. She would just kind of stare at the wall. Her grandma was raising her, and this grandma was a banshie and a harpy, all rolled into one person. In her eyes, it was MY fault that Jacey wouldn't do her work. I got this a lot from the parents of my students. Apparently I was supposed to help the student hold his pencil and make him write??? Jacey struggled in all of her other classes, too, and this grandma was working closely with our school's counselor to try to figure out what was going on and what to do.

This grandma had a huge, huge mole right on her nose. Like a witch. It had hairs growing out of it. The school counselor came into my classroom after school one day to discuss some stuff with Jacey, and she told me that, whenever she saw Jacey's grandma, she had to fight the urge to yell, "MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY!" like Mike Meyers yells at Fred Savage in one of those Austin Powers movies:

I thought it was funny. I really liked that counselor.

Anyways.

I have this mole on my armpit. Gross, I know. I've had it for several years, and I HATE it so much. It's just ugly. It's right where people can see it if I lift up my arm. It's not one of those cute freckle-moles. It's a big, ugly, witchey mole. I've been begging Ben for years to let me go to the doc to get it removed, but he insists that we don't have the fundage.

The other day, I was lying on the couch, thinking I might vomit soon. My arm was above my head. Sadie came over, saw my moley moley moley moley, and said, "WHAT is THAT??"

"It's my mole, honey."

"Does it hurt?"

"Nope."

"It's really, really ugly."

"I know."

"Put your arm down. I don't want to look at it."

She's so bossy. I feel sorry for her future husband. Bossy-bossmeister. And a total nag. She nags and nags and nags until you get what she needs. "Mommy, can I have some kool aid?"

"Sure, hon. Let me just finish changing Micah's diaper."

"I'm just soooo thirsty."


"Yep, I know. But I can't help you until I'm done here."

"Can't you just get me some kool aid??"


"JUST A DANG MINUTE, SADIE!!!"

Anyways.

The other night, I was visiting teaching, and the lady's son, who is three, came up to me and started poking at the mole on my neck. It's ugly, like the one on my armpit. He kept trying to pick it off. "What IS that?"

"It's my mole."

"Does it hurt?"

"Nope. I've had it since I was little."

"Can't you get it off? It's ugly."

"I know. I need to have a doctor do it."

"I can try to get it off."

"No thanks."

I've had it with these moles. I was doing some research online the other night about skin tags - I have a couple of those, too. In my studies, I came across some websites that talk about do-it-yourself mole removal. They all caution to make sure that the base of the mole isn't abnormal. It should be a nice circle. If it's not, it may be cancerous and needs to be removed and examined by a doctor. But if it's a nice circle, and if it's not discolored, then you can actually tie a piece of dental floss around the base of the mole. Then the mole dies and falls off in about a week.

I decided to give it a go. I'm going to try it on my armpit first. If it works, I'll do it on my neck. I'll just have to put a band-aid over the one on my neck during the whole dental floss part. People will wonder what the H is going on.

So this morning, I had Ben help me, because it's in my armpit and I can't use both hands to do it. He tied it REALLY TIGHT, and it hurts soooooooo bad right now. Pain, pain, pain. I mean, I know this will save me like $200 at the doctor's office, but mama. It might have been worth the $200 to have him deaden the area and just cut the dang thing off and be done with it. I have to keep putting ice on it. It stings sooo much. And I'm pretty sure it's making me even more nauseated than usual. I'll let you know how it goes.

And I totally got rid of my skin tags by myself. But I'll spare you the details on those. I think I've overshared enough for one day.