Thursday, July 30, 2015

A Traumatizing People-Watching Experience

So, one of my new employers had a little dance performance for her students at the county fair!  She asked that I come and help a little with props, as well as just getting a chance to watch and meet some of my future students.  It was great.  I got to see my future pointe and ballet students, as well as some to whom I think I may be teaching modern, lyrical, and jazz.  It was such a treat.  The girls performed a lot of their dances from this spring's production of The Wizard of Oz that the studio did.  We had the Lollipop Guild, some poppies, scary trees, the scary monkeys, the Ohhh-Eeee-Ohhhh guys...  What a clever idea for a show.  I can't wait to work for these girls and this sweet lady!

I invited Benny Bones to come.  I wanted him to meet my boss, plus I wanted to have a little teeny date with him.  Dylan's at the age now where he and Sadie can baby-sit sometimes, and it's wonderful. 

Also, I couldn't think of going to a fair and indulging in fair food without him.  It's a grand tradition for us, going back 15 years or so.  If he went to a fair and ate fair food without me, I'd be soooo sad.

I've gots to say two things about the fair.  No, three.  Wait, no, there's more than that.

1)  The fair grounds here are nicer than the fair grounds back home.
2)  The food wasn't as good as the food back home.
3)  Where were the horses?  The cows?  The quilting/flower growing/art/photography buildings??  Maybe these things only happen at state fairs?
4)  Is the fair back home a state fair or a county fair?  Can someone riddle me that?

Another reason it's a must to include Ben in any kind of fair outing is that he feels very compelled to touch the animals.  He looooves animals.  Our favorites were the pigs.
They aren't stinky at all.  Now the sheep...that's another story.  Our least favorite animal display?  The pigeons.  Grrrrr.  Actually, that's not quite true.  There were some really funky-looking pigeons.  Like hundreds of breeds.  I appreciated the ones with huge Tina Turner 'dos and the ones with feathers on their legs.  Those were pretty cool.  But I would still shoot them if they were hanging out on the adjacent roof, crapping on my patio.

Though the food was sub-par compared to the food at the fair in Idaho, they still had a lot of the required foods.  Elephant ears, funnel cake, and the like.  And fried candy bars.  I love me some fried food.  Oooh, and I had a heavenly gyro with a side of  feta fries.  That's right, my friends.  Feta fries.  They were just as good as they sound. 

There was a really, really pathetic girl where we were waiting for our fried Oreos (shout out to Lex!!! She knows what I'm talking about there).  Actually, there were a LOT of pathetic girls at the fair.  But back to the pathetic girl to whom I'm referring.  I shall hereafter refer to her as Is That a Shirt You're Wearing as a Sundress? Girl.  So the Fried Everything Stand (but no fried cheesecake bites!  Minus five points for that, Fried Everything Stand) was right next to a, like, Mojito booth or something.  Some kind of exotic alcohol booth.  I don't know anything about alcohol.  It just looked...exotic.  Alcohol from Hawaii, or Mexico, or something like that.  Anyways, Is That a Shirt You're Wearing as a Sundress? Girl and her friend were there, drinking, with some dudes.  All young single adults.  As you may have guessed, she was wearing a sundress that really looked like a flowy shirt.  I mean, it seriously only went to her crotch area.  I was afeared for her.

Especially when a Zumba group got up on the nearby stage to do lame-o dances.  I'm not saying every Zumba dance is lame-o, you Zumba-aholics out there.  Don't get all up in arms.  These, though, were lame-o.  I was like, "Um, if you want to actually burn some calories, perhaps you should move around some more?"  Fo reals.  But the music they had was NOT lame-o.  It was thumpin', and people were kind of swaying around in their seats and clapping their hands and everything, there in the food court.  Zumba music is enjoyable music. 

Is That a Shirt You're Wearing as a Sundress? Girl was really into the music, and rightfully so.  She would sway and kick her cowboy boots together and whatnot.  And I could not. stop. staring. at her.  I just kept thinking, "Oh my gooooshhhhh, her dress is going to flip up!  And it cannot afford to flip up!  It's already at the crotch/bottom of the buttocks line!  Oh please, ITASYWAASG (Is That a Shirt You're Wearing as a Sundress? Girl), don't raise your hands in the air like you just don't care!  Don't dooo it!  No jumping!  No jumping!"  You know that saying, "It's like a trainwreck!  I can't look away!"?  That.

So the lady at the Fried Everything Place called Ben's name (he tried to give her my name, and I was like, "Really, babe.  Let's keep it simple for her."  Is it easier to remember Ben or Karlenn? Yep.), and he went up to get our fried Oreos, and my head kept swiveling toward ITASYWAASG.  Because I could not stop worrying about her dancing shenanigans.  Sure enough, right when I was staring her out of the corner of my eye, she did some fancy footwork involving some jumping, and the back of her dress (shirt) flipped up!  Ahhhhh!  My eyyyyyes! 

She was wearing a thong.  A thong-tho-tho-tho-thong.

It was really gross.  So very gross.  The dude standing at the stand-and-drink table with her didn't notice.  He probably would have been appreciative. 

Fairs are funny.  There's good people-watching at fairs. 

Me and my fried oreo:

One daren't smile after eating an Oreo, amIright?

And look!  I can eat at a fair without worrying about becoming neutropenic and going to the hospital for four days!  Hooray!!  (This is my lovely chicken gyro.  Lamb gyros make me yak.)
What a difference a year makes.

That's right, it's been a year.  On July 25th last year, I was diagnosed.  On the 30th, a year ago today, I had my mastectomy.  I've come so far.  I have so much to be grateful for.

1 comment:

Mindy H. said...

I am so glad that you and Ben got to have some fair fun! We just entered fair season here in my valley: there is a county fair a week until after labor day. These rural Idaho folks REALLY like their fairs. Of course, they might change their minds if they were flashed by a thong-wearing exhibitionist. Yikes!

I am really excited for you to start teaching... and blogging about your teaching. A show based on the Wizard of Oz is a VERY cool idea. It sounds like a great fit for your VERY cool dance teacher skills!

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