I really miss having hair.
I thought I wouldn't mind it, and for awhile, I really didn't, but... I don't know. Looking like a hard-boiled egg gets old after awhile. I feel really unfeminine. The last few days have had me feeling low, emotionally. I guess I'm just...so OVER chemo. I'm grateful for it; really, I am. Because in the grand scheme of things, would I rather be bald for awhile, or would I rather have the cancer come back and come back and come back?? Bald. Obvi. But the hair thing, and the eyelids wiggling nonstop thing, and my itchy and possibly infected darling, Portia, and the crazy GI tract stuff, and the back spasms, and the burnt tongue syndrome, and the thing I really can't talk about on here.... plus a million other weird symptoms... I'm just sick of it.
And I'm sick of being away from my kids and hubby.
But it's okay. Let's put things into perspective. I'm sealed to my family. I'll have them forever. No matter what. Nothing will separate us again. I'll be reunited with them in just two months and one week. Three more chemo treatments, and I'm done. I feel good today. Good enough to maybe even go to a spinning class! I get to teach ballet this week! Three classes! I went on a bike ride at sunset yesterday with my mom! We have to think positively. But I also want to be real with you - chemo ain't no picnic. I'm just sayin'.
Kay, so back to my original line of thinking. I'm so sorry. My tendency to deviate from plot line in my writing is almost Dickensian in caliber. And that is sad. (I hate Dickens.)
So I told my sis, Lex, about my Ugly Selfie hobby, and she was delighted. She started sending me Ugly Selfies. Then we told Nat and Beads and Mom. And Ugly Selfies have become our passion. Our life's work. I'm quite proud of our self-portraits. I know the womenfolk in my family are proud of them, too, because they gave me permission to put them on my blog. Without further ado, I give you the H women:
1. Lex shaved her head in support of me (I told her not to do it), and she's really hating the growing out process. But it makes for some truly delicious Ugly Selfies.
2. Beads works like 24 hours a day, and she can't take off her mask stuff, so all we get is pictures of her eyes. But I'd like to think she's doing something weird with her mouth under that mask.
3. Lex has to take a medication that gives her dry mouth, so she's able to tuck her lips under and they stay that way foreeever. I was so jealous of this ability. But now that I have dry mouth all the time, I can do it too!! It's freakin' awesome.
4. I need to learn some new faces to add to my arsenal.
5. If you start this tradition, remember: You always have to have an accompanying text that says, "Hiiiii!"
6. Mom said she would let me put her picture on here, but I'll bet you $50 she'll make me take it off. Just watch. She has sent me this horrible notice on facebook once. I guess you can send this official notice that says, "Hi, I would like you to take this picture of me off your facebook page. Thank you for your attention to this matter." Something really cold and clinical like that. And she sent me one! I see her like 16 hours a day! She could have just turned to me and asked me! Haha! So yeah. You just watch. She'll ask me to take her Ugly Selfie down.