Friday, September 27, 2013

Another inappropriate crying-in-the-gym moment...

Yes, I cried at the gym again yesterday.  But this was more of a...happy cry.  An inspired cry.

I went to yoga (which, like I have told you, makes me feel like a goddess.  Seriously.  It's an extremely spiritual experience), and we did a series where our teacher told a story.

She had us start with the lizard pose, which is sometimes called the Broken Warrior:
We had done lots of warm-ups before this, just so you know.  You don't want to go into this without warming up, because dang.  Even with the warm-ups, this pose is the reason my hamstrings are so sore today.  So she said something like this:  "The warrior has been in battle, and he is broken."

Then she had us leave our right forearm on the mat and reach our left arm into the sky, kind of like this:
Except that our forearm was on the mat.  And then she said, "The warrior reaches to heaven for help.  He needs help to heal."

Then we brought the arm that had been reaching up to the bottom of our backs, almost as if we were preparing for a binding pose like this:
But we still kept our right forearm on the mat. And she said, "The warrior brings the help into his core and strengthens himself."

Then she had us raise ourselves to this position:
And then she said, "Now, the warrior is a Super Warrior.  He has overcome.  He has healed.  He has become better.  He is stronger and more able to beat his foe."

To me, it was a wonderful metaphor for life.  I was especially thinking of myself and the things I've gone through in the past year with my depression.  And I was thinking of someone very close and very dear to me who has been suffering cruelly with a similar mental disorder.

For a long, long time, I felt broken.  I actually said that in my prayers to Heavenly Father.  I would kneel at the side of my bed and weep, repeating over and over, "I'm broken.  I'm broken.  I need help.  Please help me."  I was reaching up to Him to heal me.  With his guidance and inspiration, I got the help that I needed.  And I brought that help inside of me.  I don't know if I am yet to the Super Warrior pose, but I am raising myself up slowly from my forearms to my palms.  I'm getting close.  I feel better now than I have in months.  I'm less and less angry and irritated.  I'm more mellow and calm.

I feel like ME again.

Yesterday, I shared this with my dear, dear friend who has been struggling.  She also loves yoga.  And after I showed her the poses and told her the story, we both cried together.

To my dear friend:  You feel broken.  But you are getting the help you need.  It doesn't feel like you will ever, ever be Super Warrior, but because you reached out for help and are bringing that help inside of you, it will very, very slowly get better.  I love you tons and pray for you always.

Love,
Kar

7 comments:

Brooke Stephens said...

That was super deep!! I'm so glad that you feel like your old self! Love you tons!!

Mindy H. said...

You are a true yoga goddess super warrior and a very good friend. I'm glad that your pal has you on their side.

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