Thursday, August 9, 2012

Woe is We.

My poor Dylie has been coughing for three weeks now. I took him in to the doc last week; she felt like it was post-nasal drip from allergies.  She told me to get an over-the-counter allergy medication for him and call her in a week if it wasn't better.

It wasn't.  So we headed on back today.  The doc thinks that maybe it's allergy-induced asthma now, so she gave us an inhaler to try.  Dylan feels like it's helping a ton.


She did the routine check-the-ears-nose-throat thing, and lo and behold, the poor dude has an ear infection, as well.  So we got him some antibiotics.  Hopefully now he'll be on the up-and-up, poor kid.

Unfortunately, my obsession with the Insanity workout DVD's have had a painful side effect - patellar tendonitis.  Luckily, I have my very own almost-physical-therapist sister to diagnose and then help me with stuff like this.  She recommends icing the tendons right above my patella bones.  This seriously provides tons of relief:
She also showed me this really scary thing to do to my tendons involving a butter knife and probable bruising ("Bruising is the first sign of healing," she told me), and I have to say....yeah.  I haven't done that yet.  I'm a wus.

I've had a bump on my leg that has been getting larger and scarier, so I went in to the dermatologist today to have him look.  It turned out to be a wart, and he froze it off.  Owwww.
Did I ever tell you about the good ole' days, when I was Warty McGavin?  Let me set the scene.  It was 8th grade.  Arguably the worst year of most peoples' lives.  Not only was I dealing with the normal I'm-awkward-who-am-I kind of stuff, but I had a little bit of a "wart problem" (channeling Chris Farley there).  I had them all over my hands.  And all over my elbows.

My mom told me that soaking cotton balls in vinegar, and then putting them on the wart and securing them with band-aids, was a fail-safe way to get rid of those warts.  Turns out, not so much.  The warts stayed, and I just smelled like vinegar all the time.

I had a boyfriend for two weeks in 8th grade, and whenever he held my hand, I was so embarrassed that he just got a handful of bandaids.  I wonder if that's why he broke up with me after two weeks...

After years of this, we went to an internal doctor.  He did this thing where he made me allergic to this medicine called DNCB.  And then I would put this DNCB ointment onto my warts.  And then my body would attack the warts.  It was a painful, horrible process.  My hands and elbows were so itchy, burning, and uncomfortable.  I remember putting ice on them all the time.  Horrible, horrible, horrible.

The worst part of the whole process is that these warts would, toward the end of the treatment, blister up, and then they would EXPLODE.  I'm not kidding, you guys.  EXPLODE.

In the tenth grade, my friend Em and I were at the Honda dealership.  I was picking up The Ocean Car (my '83 Honda Accord) and we had to sit on this pleather couch for a few minutes and wait.  And then one of my elbows decided to EXPLODE.  On the car dealership's pleather couch.  Em, understandably, screamed in disgust.  So I had to run to the bathroom, clean my elbows up, and then get a bunch of paper towels wet and soapy and go out and scrub...wart juice...off the pleather couch.

Wart juice.

My teenaged years were AWESOME.  I could write an entire book chock-full of embarrassing incidents.  Chock-full.

Back to today's story.  So my doc was all, "Do you want me to give you some DNCB to kill this wart?"  And I had all kinds of PTSD, wart-juice-exploding visions, and I said, "N-n-n-no.  No.  I c-c-c-can't go through that a-g-g-g-gain..."  He said, "Well, we can try to freeze it off and see if it will work.  It works maybe 60% of the time."  I told him I'd try the freezing thing first.

It hurt.

And then he looked at my moley-moley-moleys (now channeling Mike Meyers).  Just to make sure they're behaving themselves.  I had one on my thigh that was not behaving itself and had to be removed.  So he dug a hole in my thigh, got the dang thing out, and now I have stitches.
I was feeling alright until I did my Insanity workout tonight.  Word to the wise - if you have stitches on your quad, don't do Insanity.  Owwwwwww.

I'm going to take a large pain pill and then ice my poor tendons.  Good night.

6 comments:

Kathleen said...

Good Heck!! What are you doing to yourself?!! STOP IT NOW!! Also, I hated 8th grade too. We had no money, so I had two pairs of pants for the whole year. I was always in one of those pants and they weren't regular jeans that you could say you had a few pairs of. No, they were pants you knew were worn just the day before yesterday. (I wasn't allowed jeans until the 9th grade) I think 8th grade must be the year that either makes or breaks you. Happy healing!!

megan said...

Aw man! That really sucks for both of you!! I hope you keep healing well and Dylan starts feeling better. I'm trying to talk my brother Matt into going to school to be an assistant physical therapist:) (I know that has nothing to do with your post, it was just a fact I wanted to share:)LOL)

Lyndsay said...

Oh man, I used to have warts too - nasty ones all up and down my sides and arms (whilst I lived in Idaho Falls), they froze them all off, about 150 of them, oh the pain, the pain, the pain. I still remember. Now, you need to take it easy for a few days. Hopefully Dylan gets back to himself soon, stinks when kids aren't feeling good!

brooke said...

I am so sorry...I feel totally guilty because I gave you that work out! If you need help with the butterknife you should totally call me!!! If you need me to take the kids so you can get some rest let me know!

Lyndsay said...

Oh, and I wanted to add - my first car was a 1980 Honda Accord hatchback - it was copper colored and we nicknamed her the copper top. I LOVED that car!!

Mindy H. said...

Yikes! What a painful summer! I hope that, with the fall, comes some relief from pain, coughing, warts, moles, and 8th grade memories.

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