Scanning Shenanigans

So, a few weeks after we got home from China, I started scanning at my dad's office again. Which I really love doing. It's easy work. I see progress being made, which is different than the housework I do at home. And I get a little break from my kids. Sadly, since Ben went back to China, I don't get to scan as often as I used to. My mom sometimes watches my kiddos so I can get away and earn a few bucks here and there. And an adorable gal in my ward, Dawn, offered to watch my kids a couple of days ago while I worked.

My sis, Nat, wrote a post on her blog about scanning memories, which made me laugh so hard I nearly peed my pants. And maybe you won't find it as funny, because you weren't there, but I loved this post and so badly want to have it on my blog, and eventually in the book that I'll print of my blog, so I'm putting it up here. You won't regret reading this, my friends. Nat is a much, much better writer than I am. The girl is crazy talented in so, so, so many ways.

Working Girl

I haven’t been blogging as much, I think in part because I’ve been working so much-teaching piano, helping with three kids’ homework, and, of course, working at my Dad’s office doing cleaning and scanning.

Which brings me to today’s Memory Monday topic: scanner girl memories. Oh, where do I begin?

I’ve done scanning on and off for a very, very long time. I swear I was only 13 or 14 when I started scanning there. It was my summer job all through high school, and then again in college (summers of ’99 and 2000). Oh, and not to mention the time I worked there when we first moved to Idaho Falls before I had Troy, so in 2005-2006.

So. When I was 13-14 years old, we had this REALLY old scanning machine. It had its own set of discs that were humongous, and very unlike normal computer discs. It was probably 5”x5”, and an inch thick. Somehow they were able to convert the Beast Discs into CDs or something. If we wanted the machine to read a page as front-and-back, we had to put in a special paper with little squares colored in for it to do it right. Same with if the page was too dark or too light-same special paper, but with a different square colored in.

At the time, the scanner was set up in the same room as the kitchen area stuff, so we were right by the fridge. There was a lady that worked there at the time who was addicted to Diet Coke. During the time that we (we meaning my sister Karlenn and I) were there, which was maybe half a day of work, this lady came down to the fridge to get a Diet Coke about 5 times. And each time she came down she would ask, “Having fun?”

Now, Diet Coke Lady wasn’t the only one to frequent the kitchen area. She was there the most, but she was not the only one. And each person would ask the same question: Having fun? We never quite knew what to reply to that. “Yes, yes I am. Scanning is a dream job!” “No, not really. I hate being here.” “Not only am I having fun, but I’m working hard, too! Two thumbs up!” I mean, what DO you say in response? So usually we’d just laugh a little, but I think that egged The Question on.

At that time, we were TERRIBLE scanners. If it missed a page (sometimes the machine would suck in two or three pages at a time), we would just let it keep going, pull out the pages that it missed, and just stuck them in wherever it was most convenient. I’m sure we missed backs of pages a lot. And we had no idea what to title things. I think at the time, though, we would just put it under the client name and the year. So when the accountants went to find things, I’m sure it was a nightmare, because there would be 10 different files all under the same client and year.

Oh, and it’s not like you could just look it up any old way, either. We had these printouts of what was on each Beast Disc, and which Beast Discs were on which CDs. So we’d have to look at this teeny tiny print to try and find out where the file was at, and then hopefully it was labeled with the right year and the right client. Good times right there.

The summer after my junior year, I was still working with Kar. We were in the kitchen for part of the time, but then we moved into an office across the hall when a dude moved out. His name was Oak. Not even joking. My dad has had several randomly-named people work for him: Clain, Oak…okay, I know there’s more, but that’s all I can remember right now. Clain had a cool last name, too – it was French, but I’m omitting it now for privacy purposes.

During that summer I was dating Ned. Ah, Ned. More good times right there. Anyway, our scanner machine totally broke. Just…wouldn’t scan, wouldn’t suck up pages, nothing. So we had to call an 800 number. We reached a guy named Dave that worked in Salt Lake for the Scanner Fixer Company. So he came up to fix it, and it was kind of awkward. We just sat there and prepped files while he cleaned the machine, etc. By the way, he was really young, I think just fresh off his mission, which at the time seemed really old to me, but whatever - I was 17. (I’m 17. I’m 17! -What movie?)

After Dave fixed the machine, it broke, like, 2 days later. We called back down to the Scanner Fixer Company, and once again it was Dave that came up. This time it was way different. We totally talked to him, and kind of made fun of him for being a tech nerd.

I’m pretty sure the machine broke again, because I remember we called the place again and requested Dave to come up. Hm, maybe he was trying to make the machine break so he could hang out with us. Because even though I was 17, my hot sister was 19, so maybe he was trying to bust a move or something, though he never asked her out.

You know what’s funny, though? A year or so later, Dave got married in Logan, Utah, and he sent us an invitation to the reception! And…yes, my sister and I TOTALLY attended! It was very awkward, trying to explain to his new wife that he had “fixed” our scanner, and that’s how we knew him.

One more point from this summer, and then I’m going to have to make a Part 2. After we moved into the other room, we didn’t have to deal with The Question any more, which was nice. Our office was next to a guy named Robert. We teased him ALL the time, just by calling him nicknames. He’d be all, “My name is Robert,” all deadpan. And we’d be all, “Hey Bobby? Question for ya.” And he’d be all, “It’s ROBERT.” (Has anyone seen the movie-I think it’s called Office Space? I caught it on TV once. There’s a dude that’s all quiet, and people always steal his stapler. At the end he goes all crazy and, like, blows stuff up or something. I could totally be making that up, because it’s been a long time since I’ve seen that movie. Anyway. Robert was like that dude.)

Okay, THAT tangent over. Anyway, we gave him other nicknames like Bobert, Robbie, Rob, Bob, and Robert Probert. The last one is someone’s actual name that at one point had been a client of my dad’s firm. (Hm. Wonder if he’s still around somewhere.) We thought it was really funny that someone with the last name Probert would have no creativity and name their child’s first name Robert. I mean, come on! There was also a client named Thomas Thompson. Seriously?

Anyway, since we moved into a more secluded room, we could have a radio. We listened to a station called Z103. We would keep tally of which songs got played the most, aptly named The Most-Played Song of the Summer. One of the songs that was big at the time was called Butterfly Kisses. It’s a REALLY cheesy song. So we were listening to that, and we both started singing at the TOP of our lungs. “BUTTERFLY KISSES, in the blah blah blah!” Okay, totally don’t remember the lyrics now. Anyway, a lady named Maggie that worked upstairs paged down to us on the phone, and was all, “Um, we can totally hear you up here.” So funny.

Another song that was in rotation at the time was a song called “I’m a B----“. So one day my sister started singing that one: “I’m a B, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother, I’m a sinner I’m a saint…” And Robert came over, stood in our doorway, and just stared at us for a while. I think he was trying not to laugh, although I couldn’t be sure, because I don’t know if he was capable of laughing. But it was totally funny.

* Kay, this is Kar again. See? Toldja Nat was a great writer. And now I've got these memories written down, and I didn't even have to do it! Yessss. Hey, I'm like one of those really popular bloggers that have "Guest Posts." Sweet. Now I guess I have to do a giveaway of some sorts, eh? I can give away one of Sadie's many, many cute little valentines... Or perhaps one of the used-up Capri Sun pouches Micah leaves lying all around the house. Maybe some mooshed up bananas, courtesy of Gage?

Baby First

Sadie and I watch TV while I do her hair every morning; usually, she prefers to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, but the other day, she turned on a channel we haven't really looked at before, a channel called Baby First.

I groaned when she turned it on, because the last thing I wanted was a Baby Mozart or Baby Einsteins-type show. We have both of those videos; Sadie and Micah still watch them all the time, and it drives me crazy. You can only watch a lava lamp for so long before you just get bored.

But once we started watching this channel, we were riveted. And when I say "we," I mean all four of us that were up. (Gage loves sleeping in. And I love letting him sleep in. So he was still in bed.) Dylan, for some reason, likes to get dressed in the living room while watching T.V. He got one leg in his jeans and then just stood there, staring at the T.V. I paused mid-brush. Micah paused mid-play. Sadie paused mid-nail-bite. We all just stared and stared. It's totally fascinating!

My favorite show on that channel is called Arty Party. So they have a line drawing that they show. And then some artist decorates the line drawing in several different ways. The one I saw was the one at the top of this post. They had a line drawing of a smiling sun. So the artist first painted it. And then they showed the line drawing plain again, and the artist used feathers to decorate it. And then he used colorful sticks. Just all of these different, cool ways to make this sun colorful. I kept thinking to myself, "I so want to do that!!!"

Ooooh, and then there's a show called Sandman. This dude has a glowing table, like the kinds they have to look at x-rays, right? And then he pours sand on the table. And then he makes these intricate drawings into the sand. Wherever he draws, the light comes shining through. He made a monkey, and a beautiful scene with palm trees, bananas, a hammock, etc. So. Stinkin'. Cool. I'm officially a convert of Baby First Channel.

What can I say? I'm easily entertained.

Love Hurts.

I had no idea this song was recorded this long ago! Whenever I heard it on the radio, I totally assumed it was some dude from an eighties hair band. Who knew? And this band is called Nazareth. Which is, um...neat?

The Saga of Dylan and Sierra

Kay. So. Dylan had a girlfriend at the end of the school year last year, Sierra. Then we went to China. He was sure she would "wait for him." He bought her many small trinkets from street vendors, all of which he could have bought at the dollar store in America. For reals, yo. I kept telling him to get something Chinesey, but nope. It was plastic heart necklaces, etc. Professor Han kept teasing Dyls, saying, "Your girlfriend maybe won't love you when you are home!!" Dylan always ducked his head in an embarrassed way and said, "No, she'll wait for me." And then would go to his room to hide.

So we came back, and Dylan went back to school. According to him, Sierra had waited for him, and they continued being together, as they always had been.

But then along came....crap. I can't remember his name. I'll call him...Homewrecker. Even though Dylan and Sierra weren't living together. But you get the idea. So Homewrecker started taunting Dylan at recess, saying that he and Sierra were together, that Dylan was living a fantasy, that she no longer loved him. I guess Dyl tried to brush it off and walk away, but this kid wouldn't leave him alone about it. Dylan hadn't told me about Homewrecker until I got a call from his teacher, Ms. No-Child-Is-Acceptable-to-Me-Unless-They-Never-Ever-Speak. She told me Dylan had punched a kid at recess. I was like, "Whaaaa???" But she assured me that they talked it out in the principal's office and that both sides apologized.

When Dylan came home, I asked him what the H. That's when he told me about Homewrecker. He and I talked about the importance of keeping your cool and going and getting the recess aide when someone is bullying you like that. I told Ben about Dylan punching a kid who was bullying him, and Ben said, "Good!" Which made me laugh.

Later that night, while Dylan was lying in bed (it usually takes him at least an hour to fall asleep. It's hard for him to wind down), he called out to me. I went in there, and tears were streaming down his face. "What if Homewrecker is right, Mom? What if Sierra really does love him instead of me??"

It broke my heart to see him hurting. I asked if he had asked Sierra about it. He said no. I said, "Well, don't get sad until you know if it's true or not, honey."

The next day after school, Dylan came home, triumphant. "Sierra DOES love me, Mom!! Homewrecker is just jealous of us."

"Alright, honey. Sounds good. Whatever."

But then the following night, in bed, more tears. "Mom, Sierra decided she wanted to be with Homewrecker, instead of with me. It hurts so bad. How can I make her love me again??"

I know, killer, right?

So he and I had a good talk. I have mucho experience in this area. I told him that, if her decision was to not be with him anymore, there was nothing he could do. She has the right to choose who she wants to be with. I told him it was okay to be sad about it, and that it was okay to cry. I told him that he was better off, that he deserves someone who loves him from the get-go and doesn't ever let him go. Yes, I know I was talking to an eight-year-old, but dang it, I have this little "getting over someone" pep talk memorized. Because I had to say it to myself soooo many times in my life. Hahaha! So continuing on with my pep talk. I told him that she would eventually regret it, because he is such a fantastic kid. I told him it would take a long time to stop hurting, and that was normal.

I came out and told Ben about our talk. Ben was like, "You told him THAT?"

"Yeah. What's wrong with that?"

"Kar, he's only eight. He shouldn't even have a girlfriend."

"I know that, but you can't push a button on your head to make yourself stop liking someone. When someone rejects you, it hurts. No matter how old you are. And it's not like they've been going on dates."

"I'm going in there to talk to him."

"Fine, whatever."

So then Ben went in there and talked to Dylan. I figured he probably was lecturing him about not having a girlfriend when you're eight years old. But then, when I was passing through later, Dylan called out to me.

"Mom," he said, "I think I'm going to take Daddy's advice."

"And what's that?"

"Daddy says that, if I want Sierra to love me again, I have to tell her that it's okay if she wants to be in a relationship with Homewrecker, but that I wanted to still be her very best friend. I'm going to ask her if we could still be very, very best friends instead. And then she'll want me back."

"Whaaaaa??"

I asked Ben what the H. He said that he had mucho experience in this area, as well, and that the surefire way to get a girl back is to pretend that it's all good if she wants to break up, and that you have to ask if you can still be very best friends, and that it drives the girl crazy and she can't wait to get back with you.

I told him there was no way in the world that ploy would work.

"You wait and see, Kar," he said.

Sure enough, the next day after school, Dylan came running in, shouting, "Mom, it worked! Sierra loves me again!!"

Well I'll be darned.

Anyways, this little Homewrecker/Dylan/Sierra love triangle went around and around for awhile, and then Dylan and Sierra were together for awhile. Homewrecker told Dylan he didn't care about being with Sierra anymore. Then Dylan announced that Sierra was switching schools to be at a school closer to where she lives. He didn't seem too bummed about it. He made sure we gave her some cookies for Christmas. And that's the last I ever saw of her or heard about her.

Until a couple of weeks ago. Dylan said, "Mom, I decided that Sierra and I should just be friends."

No, REALLY??

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Days of Our Lives. :)

Everyday I'm Shovelin'

My cute little across-the-street neighbor, Nephi (the one who gives me expired food and highly suspect canned applesauce), cracks me up. Every single day in the winter, he's out there shoveling his sidewalk. And usually somebody else's. The mound between him and the now-empty Drug Dealer/Domestic Violence house gets sky high in the winter. It's one of those weird things where both of their driveways are close together, with a thin little strip of grass between. Nephi is so good at piling the snow intricately on that mound, but not letting it fall down. I swear sometimes that mound gets up to six feet tall or so.

One day a couple of winters ago, it had snowed a couple of feet. When it let up, I glanced across the street whenever I passed my front windows to see if Neph was out there shoveling. He always waits until it's good and done. As the afternoon wore on, I started to get concerned. No Nephi. No shoveling. I thought, "Oh my gosh, I wonder if he died. He never, ever misses an opportunity to shovel." Ben came home that night, like at 5 p.m., and I accosted him at the door: "BenIthinkNephiisdeadhehasn'tcomeoutsidetoshovelyetheneverhasdonethatbefore!!"

Ben said, "Let's wait until tomorrow and see if he shows up outside. If he doesn't, I'll go over and check it out."

Happily, Neph started shoveling bright and early the next morning. Phew.

This winter has been really, really bizarre. Hardly a snowflake. It mainly feels like spring all the time. I've got to admit that I'm loving the sunshine and the balmy temperatures. It will suck for the farmers this summer, though. And the waterskiers.

There haven't been many opportunities for shoveling. But you can bet Nephi is keeping his vigil. The other day, I saw him shoveling a puddle of water. I think his sidewalk is a little uneven in this one spot, so when snow melts, water kind of accumulates into a teeny puddle in this one spot. I have a few spots like that on my sidewalk, as well. But yeah, I saw him scooping water from his puddle and throwing it on his lawn. I thought it was funny.

Dylan saw it, too, and he said, "Hey, mom, it's like that song on the radio that goes, 'Everyday I'm shovelin'.'" I laughed and laughed.

"What's so funny, Mom?"

"I think the song says 'Everyday I'm shufflin'."

"Well that doesn't make sense. Is he talking about playing cards??"

"No, I think he's talking about dancing."

"Dancing? Really? I don't think so. I think you're wrong. I think he's talking about shoveling."

When we have conversations like this, I've learned to just let it go. I know I'm right, and I know he's wrong, but he will fight me TO THE DEATH on matters like this. So I just said, "Wow, Dylan, perhaps you're right."

The Bird

No, not this The Bird. (I think maybe ten people will get the reference there. Or maybe one of my two actual readers, haha. Read Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand. Then you'll get what I'm talking about. One of the best books I've ever read.) I'm talking about one of the fluffy, singing kinds. Birds that don't beat up American POWs in WWII.

So my friend, Linds, was living in my house while we were in China. She and her husband took really good care of it while we were gone, and we so appreciated having it protected from the Drug Dealer and Domestic Violence and their cronies.

It was about a week before Linds was able to move into her new apartment and we were able to move back into our house. We spoke a few times during that week about various things. At one point, Linds said, "Okay, Kar, I need to let you know something. Xena brought a dead bird into the house." We had installed a little cat door for Xenie last summer, and she snuck that dead bird in through it sometime during that last week Linds was there.. Linds didn't see her bring it in, but she found a whole lotta feathers in the baby's room. She vacuumed the feathers up and looked and looked for the rest of the carcass - under the crib, in the closet, etc., and never found it. She let me know that there may be a nasty surprise for us somewhere. I was hoping that maybe Xena ate the whole skeleton. A girl can hope, right??

We had been back in our house for maybe two weeks when Dylan said he wanted help lifting up the sofa so he could look and see if one of his missing toys was under there. I lifted it up, and guess what we found? That's right. A three-week-old rotting bird corpse. It had been under our butts that whole time. Disgusting, eh? Dylan was very traumatized, to say the least. :) As was I. As was I.

An almost-falling-down bear hug.

Wait, who took that picture of me???? Hahahaha!

So for about a month after we got back from China, I wasn't able to sign back up at my gym - we just didn't have the moola. But then I was able to start my scanning job at my dad's office again, which helped, so I finally got back to my first spinning class in November.

When I walked into the class, I got nearly-tackled in a huge bear hug by my dear spinning friend, Maggie, followed by a similar hug from my favorite, favorite, favorite spinning teacher, Mattie, and a third by Nancy, my other darling spinning friend. It made me feel so good that I was missed. And it made me feel so good to be back in that class and sweating my guts out again.

I used to be a natural at making friends, right? It was like breathing. But since I got married and had kids, it's just been...weird. And hard. Not easy anymore. Why is that??? Nat and I talk about this all the time. She feels like the same thing has happened to her. Is it because we're distracted and busy with our kids?? Is it because we feel fulfilled in our marriages and don't need fifty thousand friends anymore to fill that void?? I don't know.

All I know is that these friends I've made in my spinning class have made me feel so good. Like the old me, Friend-Making Kar. Like I'm worth getting to know, and that I'm loved. And it makes me happy.

My parents are so sweet - since Ben has been gone, they have offered to watch my kids every Tuesday and Thursday night so I can go to my favorite spinning class. It's so great to get out of the house and away from my kids and sweat like crazy, but maybe even more importantly for me, it's a chance to get out and be with my new friends. My mom is out of town this week, and my dad, who is in the middle of tax season and perpetually wiped out, came and watched my kids so I could go. Now that's a man. Love you, Dad. And thanks.

She can dish it out, but she can't take it.

The picture sequence says it all:

So funny. By the way, this is one of my favorite hairstyles on her. I like her with bohemian-type braids.