Ho cake, murder!

Like a zillion years ago, my dad brought home a photocopied story - I'm not sure where he got it. But he read it to us, and it was so funny. It was called "Ladle Red Rotten Hut." Basically, it's like that Mad Libs game, but in prose form. It's a re-telling of the story, and it uses English words, but in a different way, so that you have to really think about it when you're hearing it (and reading it). There's a part where Red Riding Hood says, "Okay, mother!" But in this story, she says, "Ho cake, murder!" I always say that to Ben when I'm saying "okay" about something - "Ho cake, murder!" And now he says it all the time.

I was just now finishing an e-mail to him, and I said, "Ho cake, it's time for me to go!" and I thought, I'm going to look up that story, dang it. It's got to be on the web. And it was. Here it is, for your enjoyment (and mine):

Ladle Rat Rotten Hut

by H.L. Chace

From the Anguish Languish, by Howard Chace. For complete text go here

Wants pawn term, dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift
wetter murder inner ladle cordage, honor itch off
lodge, dock florist. Disk ladle gull orphan worry putty
ladle rat cluck wetter ladle rat hut, and fur disk raisin,
pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.

Wan moaning, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut's murder colder
inset.

"Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, heresy ladle basking winsome
burden barter and shirker cockles. Tick disk ladle basking
tutor cordage offer groin-murder hoe lifts honor udder site
offer florist. Shaker lake! Dun stopper laundry wrote! Dun
stopper peck floors! Dun daily-doily inner florist, an yonder
nor sorghum-stenches, dun stoper torque wet strainers!"

"Hoe-cake, murder," resplendent Ladle Rat Rotten, and
tickle ladle basking an stutter oft.

Honor wrote tutor cordage offer groin-murder, Ladle Rat
Rotten Hut mitten anomalous woof.

"Wail, wail, wail!" set disk wicket woof, "Evanescent
Ladle Rat Rotten Hut! Wares are putty ladle gull goring wizard
ladle basking?"

"Armor goring tumor groin-murder's," reprisal ladle
gull. "grammar's seeking bet. Armor ticking arson burden
barter an shirker cockles."

"O hoe! Heifer gnats woke," setter wicket woof, butter
taught tomb shelf,"Oil tickle shirt court tutor cordage offer
groin-murder. Oil ketchup wetter letter, an den -- O bore!"

Soda wicket woof tucker shirt court, an whinny retched
a cordage offer groin-murder, picked inner windrow, an sore
debtor pore oil worming worse lion inner bet. Inner flesh,
disk abdominal woof lipped honor bet, paunched honor pore oil
worming, an garbled erupt. Den disk ratchet ammonol pot honor
groin-murder's nut cup and gnat-gun, any curdled ope inner
bet.

Inner ladle wile, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut a raft attar
cordage, an ranker dough ball. "Comb ink, sweat hard," setter
wicket woof, disgracing is verse.

Ladle Rat Rotten Hut entity bet rum, and stud buyer
groin-murder's bet.

"O Grammar!" crater ladle historically, "Water bag icer
gut! A nervous sausage bag ice!"

"Battered lucky chew whiff, sweat hard," setter
bloat-Thursday woof, wetter wicket small honors phase.

"O Grammar, water bag noise! A nervous sore suture
anomalous prognosis!"

"Battered small your whiff, doling," whiskered dole
woof, ants mouse worse waddling.

"O Grammar, water bag mouser gut! A nervous sore
suture bag mouse!"

Daze worry on-forger-nut ladle gull's lest warts. Oil
offer sodden, caking offer carvers an sprinkling otter bet,
disk hoard-hoarded woof lipped own pore Ladle Rat Rotten Hut
and garbled erupt.

MURAL: Yonder nor sorghum stenches shut ladle gulls
stopper torque wet strainers.