Saturday, September 13, 2014

What I want on my tombstone. (When I die when I'm like 85.)

Last year, I was in my old ward.  Before I moved to my now-old but used-to-be-new ward.  Before I moved into my parents' ward.

It's confusing, I know.

Anywho, our relief society president at the time gave a lesson, and she talked about living in such a way that what would be said at our funerals would be positive and good.  Sadly, she passed away unexpectedly just a few months later.  I went to her funeral, and it was such a lovely service.  People spoke glowingly of her, and rightfully so, because she was one of the best people I've ever known.

As I kind of looked death in the face for a good month or so (before my CT scan showed my cancer not to have spread to my liver, brain, bones, etc.), I often thought of this - if I die, what would people say about me?

I also thought about tombstones.  I used to always jog in the cemetery - it was quiet and beautiful and not creepy to me at all.  I mean, I didn't jog there at night - that might have had a different feel to it. But it was just down the street and I really loved jogging there.  My great-grandma is buried there, and I would always stop and touch her grave marker and say hi.

I liked to try to glance at the grave markers and tombstones as I jogged, because I found them fascinating.  They would sometimes say things like, "Loving Mother, Devoted Wife."  Or there would be a little poem or a scripture that, to the deceased's family, really captured his or her life.

And because I'm warped, my brain immediately went to those silly tombstones at Disney's Haunted Mansion ride:

Anyways, for the past couple of months, I've thought, "What would my kids or hubby or siblings or parents put on my tombstone?"  In all honesty, they would probably just put my birth date and death date and call it a day.  I, however, would like to officially declare (there is a notary present at the writing of this post*) that I want an epitaph on my tombstone.  And I want a really cool tombstone. There is this really awesome one for a Japanese-American man in the cemetery in which I used to jog.  I'll have to take a picture of it sometime and put it in here.  I love it.  If I don't get to it, those of you who are left behind, find a really cool tombstone of a Japanese-American man in our cemetery, will ya?  That's the kind I want.

Ben wants his body in, like, a crypt.  Is that what you call the graves above ground?  A sarcophagus? I don't know. He is so weird.  Who would want to go IN one of those?  It would smell horrible, wouldn't it??  I don't know details about sarcophagi.  Or maybe he once said he wanted to be cremated, and his ashes in a sarcophagus.  I can't remember.  The details are fuzzy, because I was just really disturbed by the sarcophagus thing and couldn't get past that.

Ben also wants some weird Pink Floyd songs played at his funeral.  Sigh.  I freakin' hate Pink Floyd.

My dad wants "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong and "Rainbow Connection" by Kermit THE frog played at his funeral.  Not even kidding.  He freakin' loves those songs.  He tells me this all the time.  He also says that if he mentally starts slipping, to "Take me out back and shoot me." Um, that's called murder, Dad...

I think I'd like "How Firm a Foundation" played at my funeral.  I love that hymn.  It's my theme song. And then maybe "Kiss" by Prince.  With a request that people stand up and boogey in the aisles.

As far as my tombstone goes, here is a list of possible epitaphs I might want on it:

1.  She tried really, really hard.
2.  No judgie.
3.  She really liked to boogey.
4.  She had an artist's soul.
5.  She loved her kids, even though she wasn't very good at raising them.
6.  She adored her husband.
7.  She was the coolest grandma ever.
8.  She was a bit of a jabberer.
9.  She was a little Reubenesque because she was totally addicted to sugar.
10.  She loved ballet.
11.  She loved literature.
12.  She loved working with teenagers.
13.  Cancer survivor!
14.  She really hated eating fish.
15.  She really hated it when her husband hunted.  Even though she totally ate meat all the time.  So basically, she was a hypocrite.
16.  She liked to write.
17.  She was an oversharer.
18.  She was a realist.
19.  She tried not to complain.
20.  She loved to cook.
21.  She gave everyone she knew a nickname.
22.  She loved to make people laugh.
23.  She loved to read and got really attached to fictional characters.  It was a little scary.
24.  She got overwhelmed easily.  Which is why her house wasn't very clean.  But mainly, her house wasn't clean because she lived with five slobs.
25.  She loved her fake boobs.  She didn't even have to wear a bra.  When she jumped, they just...stayed there.  It was weird and really, really awesome.  But it hurt to hug her.  She wants to say sorry about that.

So there you have it.  Take your pick.  I should have gotten all clever and rhymed all of these epitaphs, but I don't have energy for that.

*No, no, there isn't.


Nyline said...

what is my nickname?

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