Thursday, February 23, 2012

Truth Is Thursday



Truth is...

I think I might have, like, accidentally fractured my cat's paw. She was doing that Cat Thing where she was running in front of me and then stopping right in front of my path, making me almost trip several times. So I checked her food and water. They were perfect. Full. Cold. Fresh. New. So I opened the front door - "Do you want out?" She did that Other Cat Thing where she sniffed the air and then kind of moved her head forward and then back, like, "Do I want that? No. Yes? No." So I shut the door. So then I have this big basket of laundry, and I'm going down my crazy-steep-from-1945-stairs, and she stops right in front of my feet again. I was like, "Dude, you are going to make me fall down these stairs." So I do that Owner Thing where I nudge her bumb a little with my foot. I swear, it was just a nudge. Remember. It's "Truth Is Thursday," not "What I Wish Was the Truth Thursday." So I did the nudge thing that I sometimes have to do when she does the Door Thing, like, "You know you want to go out, so just go already." And she fell HARD. It was so weird, you guys. She fell down like three stairs. She rolled like a log. She grasped. She meowed. After she recovered, she stalked off with her ears flat against her head. I felt really bad and immediately put down my laundry to go comfort her, which she readily accepted. But ever since that day, she's been favoring one of her front paws. I took her to the vet earlier this week - the vet couldn't see any scratches or infections or anything. She was hoping that it's just a soft tissue thing, but she said that, if by tomorrow, she's still favoring the foot, I should take her in for an x-ray. And guess what? She's still favoring it tonight. Sighhhhhh.

Truth Is...
I really don't want to spend money getting a cat paw x-rayed and perhaps fitted with a little cat cast. Sighhhhhhhhhh.

Truth Is...
I think I'm a failure as a mother. A complete and total failure. Especially in light of some very, very cruel things a family member said about my parenting yesterday. All I ever wanted to be was a mother. Turns out, I suck at it. And I sucked as a teacher. I'm wondering if there's anything I'm GOOD at. Maybe not. Sleeping? Making cards?

Truth Is...
It's taking every fiber of my being not to write an angry e-mail to this family member. Every fiber.

Truth Is...
I'm not as likable as I used to think. That's becoming more and more obvious as the years pass.

Truth Is...
Since the official end of my family's Healthy Living Challenge, I've been yukking it up. Drinking like two Cokes per day. Having cold cereal instead of a fruit-and-yogurt smoothie in the morning. Eating past 8 p.m. Yep. I feel deliciously rebellious.

Truth Is...
Sometimes I like to jog just because I want my outsides to feel as badly as my insides do. Does that make ANY sense?? I'm in pain in the inside, and I want to feel pain on the outside, too. So I punish myself. And run for like an hour. Until my knees feel really bad.

Truth Is...
I have to really work hard to convince myself to shower once per day. I always think, "But it's just so much EFFORT." I always end up showering every single day, but I do it grudgingly. What is WRONG with me???

Truth Is...
I'm enjoying reading our district's required book, The Trumpet of the Swan, to my kids, as much as they are. It's a kiddie book. And I'm relishing it.

Truth Is...
I have to put on flannel pajamas and fuzzy socks on at night, plus turn on my heating blanket, plus wrap myself up in my heating pad, in order to get warm enough to go to sleep. And sometimes that doesn't even work. I have to add a hot bath to the mix. Is that normal???

Truth Is...
Dylan is wanting to do extra chores so he can save up for a Lego set. And I'm making him do the chores that I really hate doing. Like cleaning out the litter box.

Truth Is...
I secretly like it when Micah wants to watch Scooby Doo, the live action movie, like ten times per day. I seriously LOVE that movie. And want to buy Scooby Doo 2.

Truth Is...
I desperately miss Ben. But our house is a LOT cleaner than it used to be. Is it because Ben throws his stuff all around the house, or is it because I don't have anyone to hang out with late at night, so I clean? Maybe a little of both.

Truth Is...
I desperately miss Ben, but I am SO GRATEFUL that he has a job, that I'm okay with this. That's how hard it is when your hubs is out of work. Never want to go back to that again.

Truth Is...
I'd rather be here, alone, than in with Ben in China. That's how uncomfortable it was for me to try to raise four kids in a place that was soooo different, so unsanitary, so.....smelly.

Truth Is...
When contract negotiations sometimes aren't looking so good over there, I secretly hope the whole project will go to pot so Ben can come home.

Truth Is…

Every time I see a family checking out the house across the street, which is now ready to be rented out again, I hope they decide against it. I’m terrified that we’ll get another family like the last one.

Truth Is…

I think I have a better relationship with my elderly neighbor than I do with my own grandfather.

Truth Is…

I know NOTHING about scouting. The pinewood derby is next month and I’m terrified.

Truth Is...

I think death masks are so, so cool. I'm obsessed with them. Will one of you make a death mask of me when I die? For reals?

Truth Is...

"Beauty is Truth, Truth is Beauty." That's something I really believe in.

Truth Is...

I don't remember which poet said that. Keats???

5 comments:

Kyle and Shelly said...

Hang in there Kar. Many prayers are for your behalf (& Ben's too) Let the hurt go to the Lord and let Him take care of it. As for the cold thing go on Web MD and check out the symptoms for Thyroid issues.See if you have any other symptoms and get it checked if need be. Try to keep smiling and if you don't feel like it say a prayer.
((((hugs))))
Shelly

Camille said...

Oh Kar - I can't begin to imagine how difficult it must be with those 4 little ones all by yourself! You ARE an amazingly strong woman.
Parenting is one, if not, THE hardest thing. You can't know if your doing it right until it's too late. Not to mention that it's exhausting and can really make you feel helpless. Take a step back and look at your kids. They are beautiful! They are smart and they ARE good kids (sometimes when you are with them EVERY day that is a hard thing to realize). I don't think you give them or yourself near enough credit.
Hang it there!
And as for the showering thing - I'm totally with you. I do bathe everyday - but as for makeup and doing my hair, NAH - too much work. Totally sucks.

megan said...

Kar, YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON AND MOM!! You really are. You are amazing taking care of your kids all alone!! You're doing everything right by them! You're still going to church and teaching them and loving them and helping them. I agree with shelly, let the hurt go to the Lord! Lean on him and he will be there for you ANYTIME!! You are in our thoughts and prayers. If you ever need a break you know I'll take your kids, ANYTIME!!! I'm serious!!

Lyndsay said...

AGhhh! I hate it when the cat does that - gets right in your way! Argghhhh!

Ahhh, Kar, I am so very sorry for all that you are having to go through. I'm such a wuss, Brad was gone for 3 days last month and I was so ready to have him back home (though honestly I enjoyed having the bed to myself for a few nights!!). And, you ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER!!! Forget that. Oh my heck. You love your children, you stay home to take care of them, do their laundry, cook their meals, I could go on and on. You are a loving, sweet, dear Mother.

I love that you're making Dylan to the crappy chores. That's why we have kids, right?!

Keep on hanging in there, Kar. You can do it and I know your mom is there to help you out whenever you need it. We are both so lucky to have such amazing mothers. If I can do anything from this side of the state just let me know!!

Emily Empey said...

wow! that was fun to rad! i can't wait to hear about the family drama!! haha! I dont know how you do it without Ben! ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOM!!!

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