Thursday, February 14, 2013

I'd rather just have given him a book...

For the past two weeks, I've been bugging Ben about Valentine's Day:  "What do you want for Valentine's Day?"  His answer was always, "Nothing.  Don't get me anything."  We are saving for a trip...  I just didn't want him to feel that I didn't care.

After much badgering, he said, "Why don't you just make me a nice card?"  Which I was happy to do:
But I still felt like the card needed to accompany something.  Maybe the sequel to A Discovery of Witches?  (Which he is LOVING, by the way.)  Framing some calligraphy he got made in China?  Nope, he said, he didn't want anything.

Then he came up with something.

He wanted a coupon book.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

I HATE the concept of coupon books.  Now, I don't want anyone out there who really loves coupon books to be mad at me for this.  No hate comments, please.  It's just my personal...non-preference.  There are a few reasons for this.  1)  I like to give real, tangible gifts.  I'm not saying they have to be expensive.  Just...holdable.  You can see and touch and use them.  2)  I think that expressions of love should be spontaneous.  You should hold hands every time you possibly can, not because someone gave you a coupon requiring you to hold hands.  You should have what Flight of the Conchords calls "Business Time" when both of you want to, not because your husband hands you a coupon for Business Time with a cheesy wiggle of his eyebrows.  3)  I'm damn tired.  I don't feel like giving anyone, even my husband, whom I adore, a half-hour massage.  I can just picture coming home from spinning one night, sweaty and exhausted, and just exhausted in general, because I've been literally on my feet all day cleaning, wiping noses, wiping butts, cleaning up messes, making dinner, making kids do homework, driving them to their lessons, making the kids help with the dishes, finally getting them to bed, and then Ben handing me a coupon for a half an hour massage.  And me going, "Jigga WHAT???" 

Call me a cold-hearted snake.  Call me a beeyotch.  I'm just saying. Sometimes you don't feel like fulfilling these types of coupons.  When all you do is give, give, give, you'd rather just buy your significant other a shirt and say, "Happy Valentine's Day!  I love you!"  No strings attached.

I used to be really great about being romantic when we were first married.  I would decorate his car, do cute little scavenger hunts, etc. 

And then we had kids.

And that was the end of that.

We're both too tired for that kind of nonsense. :)  (And no, I don't think it's nonsense.  I'm just being snarky.  Because it's morning time, and I'm not a morning person.  And because Micah just spilled one of those large-sized pixie sticks all over my carpet.  No hate comments, please.)

Well, because I had no money, and because this is all Ben asked for, and because I love him, I made him a damn coupon book.  I got the template for it here.  Some of the coupons are printed out, and some of them are blank.

Have you ever read The Five Love Languages?  It's really a fantastic book.  Anyways, Ben and I took the little test in the book and we found out which "love language" each of us "speaks."  Mine is Words of Affirmation.  Physical touch, quality time together, acts of service, etc. are great, but what makes me happiest, what means the most to me and makes me feel loved most, are words of affirmation.  Ben's love language is physical touch.  Yes, he likes words of affirmation, acts of service, etc., but what makes him feel the most loved is physical touch of any kind.  So, knowing this, everything I put on the blank coupons were physical touch things:
We exchanged gifts last night (he got me two cute dresses and got our family photos printed out - nice, tangible gifts), and you should have seen the look on his face when I gave him the coupon book.  He was SO EXCITED.  Way more than he would have been if I had given him a book or a t-shirt.  It might be worth the half-hour massage (yes, I broke down and offered that) and the foot massage (I really hate feet, but I offered that, too) just to see that look on his face.

But I'm telling you, he'd better use these coupons judiciously.  If he comes home and I have kids' boogers on my shirt and flour smeared on my face and he hands me a coupon for a make-out session (yes, I put that in there, too), I might punch him in the face.  There's a time and a place for make-out sessions with your hubby, and it's not when you're covered with snot and flour.  Or when your kids are around.

No hate comments, please.

5 comments:

Patty said...

I like pointing out your best lines. "He better use them judiciously."

Kyle and Shelly said...

HAHAHA! you are so hilarious Kar. I have a funny story about snot and making out. you totally had me busting a gut. Happy Valentine's Day, snot and all!

brooke said...

I LOVE YOU!! Your so funny~~~ Just Pure AWESOMENESS!!

Aprillium said...

I love the smattering of "no hate comments please" all over this post :D You are epic girlie!

lexykay said...

I got this thing in Vegas that's kind of like a coupon book, but more fun. I agree with you - I'd feel awkward getting handed this card that demanded this that or the other. But this booklet we found is a lottery ticket booklet. So there are tons of little games in there, and you have to scratch the ticket and play the game to see what the prize is. It fulfills the coupon book, but makes it a bit more spontaneous.

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