Wednesday, February 13, 2013

The Cat Version of John Cusack

So there's this cat that likes to hang around near our house.  He likes Xena a LOT.

Or hates her a lot.  I can't really tell.  I just know that he wants to be involved in her life. 

I first saw him when he was attacking her in our backyard.  The poor girl doesn't have front claws, so she was doing her best to fend herself off with her teeth and her back paws, but this white cat is much bigger than her (she's a shorty) and I was really alarmed.  So I opened up the back door and yelled really loud.  She ran off in one direction, and he ran off in another, but not very far.  He still stayed in our yard and stared me down, like, "You haven't seen the last of me, Owner."

A couple of weeks later, I saw that she had a big gouge over her left eye.  I figured it was from The Big White Jerk.  I tried to persuade her to stay inside more.  But with cats, if you don't let them out when they want to be let out, they really make your life miserable.  They keep putting themselves in front of you so that you trip over them, they meow and meow and meow at the door, they jump up to wherever you are and stick their butts in your's just obnoxious.  So I was like, "Fine, Xena.  Your funeral."  And I let her out to fend for herself.

We were leaving to go to a family party last week, and just as I locked the door and was walking to the car (everyone else was in the car already), I saw that Xena was outside on the front porch.  And then I saw The Big White Jerk lurking beside a tree that borders our front lawn.  I was like, "Oh no.  I'd better talk Xena into going inside, or we may have a dead cat when we get home."  So I unlocked the door and tried to get her to go in, but she wasn't gonna do it.  Again, I was like, "Okay, we're late.  Your funeral.  Good luck with that."

A couple of days ago, I noticed a big tuft of fur missing, on her back, near her tail.  But it looks like someone just cut her hair with scissors.  I cornered Micah and asked him if he cut her hair, and he swears up and down that he didn't.  I don't know if it's the work of The Big White Jerk, but I honestly don't know how he could be so precise in his carnage.  It's seriously a straight-looking cutting of the hair.  I think Micah is probably lying to me.  It wouldn't be the first time.

Last night, I was in the living room, and I started hearing this yowling.  That unmistakeable sound of two cats fighting.  I jumped up and ran to the window to see if Xena was getting attacked again.  But then I saw her right there, safe and sound, inside the window, calmly looking outside onto the front porch.

And there, on the front porch, was The Big White Jerk.  Standing at our front door, yowling.

I think he was asking her to come out and play.  Or come out and get beaten up.  You know, whichever.

Or proclaiming his love, John Cusack-style:
Xena just stared at him.

It's hard to know how a cat is feeling sometimes.  Maybe she hates him.  Maybe she feels ambivalent toward him.  Maybe she thinks it's fun to play rough.  Maybe she loves him back.  I don't know.

But what I do know is that a teeny part of my hatred toward The Big White Jerk melted away last night.  It really was so adorable that he was yowling out there for her.


Patty said...

Best post! "Your funeral." I forgot how much I love that line.

Mindy H. said...

You are so funny! I hope you will keep us updated on Xena's love/hate relationship.

And did I mention that this post is freakin' funny? Cuase it is. Well done!

Anonymous said...

Cats are so weird. I used to love them and want one, but now I'm a dog person.

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