Thursday, July 12, 2012

Why I love him.

When Ben and I went to my 10-year class reunion, we were talking to an old friend, Kara.  She said, "Kar, when I pictured you getting married, I thought you would kind of be with a tall nerdy guy with glasses.  But this guy....he's just....grrrrr!"

We laughed and laughed.  I guess Ben kind of does look like Mr. Clean.  Mr. Buff, Mr. No-Nonsense.  But truthfully, he's just a big teddy bear.  He's the nicest guy I know.  He's the best guy I've ever known.  I was extremely careful when I was dating - I had been hurt by a lot of men in my life.  I kept waiting for him to hurt me.  And waiting.  And waiting.  And it never happened.

He treats me so well.  With so much respect and kindness.  And I realized today that maybe I haven't given him that same consideration.  I think that sometimes, when I want to tell a funny story on my blog, it involves Ben.  Ben doing something silly.  Or doing something so... mannish.  One of those - "Men - you can't live with them, you can't live without them" type of things.

But Ben is much more three-dimensional than these little stories make him out to be.  And much nicer.  So I hope you haven't gotten the wrong impression of him.  I've been doing him a disservice.  I've cheapened him, really.  He's not just a silly man.  He's so much more.

Ben loves his mom.  He's kind to her.  As a teenager, he would hold her hand when they walked through the mall.  As a teenager!!!

Ben is totally spazzy.  And I LOVE it.  He particularly likes to sing falsetto.  He can sing so loud and high that I'm really surprised he hasn't shattered glass yet. :)  He likes to dance in front of me - the nerdiest dances he can think of.  And he can do that thing that black girls can do, where they make their booty shake really really fast.  I'm so jealous of that ability.
Ben loves to hug his family.  He loves to hold my hand.  He dishes out the physical affection, and I LOVE that about him.

He is so, so, so smart.  Math, science, physics...he rocks.  I feel sooo dumb sometimes when he's talking about stuff like that.  I'm like, "Um, I can write a paper about a piece of literature..."

I think Ben has the gift of tongues.  Languages are so easy for him to pick up on.  He still remembers a lot of Japanese he learned in high school, he speaks fluent Portugese, he kind of figured out how to speak Spanish by converting Portugese, and he's quickly picking up a whole lot of Mandarin.  Amazing.

He's really handy.  He can fix anything.  I loooooooooooooove having a handy man at home.  And boy, have I ever missed it.

He's artistic.  He's a wayyyyyyyy better artist than I am.  He knows, instinctually, what looks good.  Whether it's designing a building, putting something on the wall, or picking clothes out for me.  He's creative.

He's a really hard worker.  He always goes above and beyond.  He won't make phone calls, like, to dentists or insurance companies while he's at work.  He always wants to put in an honest day.  He's getting paid salary right now, but putting in wayyyyyyyyyyy more than the required 40 hours a week.  He puts in 12 hour days.  He is going in to work on Saturday.  Once, he was working on, like, Christmas Eve Eve.  I was pretty pissed about it, but he said he had a deadline, so whatever.  I had to get a few last-minute things at the mall, so I carted all my kids with me.  I saw his boss there.

He's like, "Where's Ben?" 

I said (a little bitterly), "Well, you should know.  He's at work!" 

"Whaaaaaaaaaaa?  He's not supposed to be at work right now!" 

"Well, he said he had some kind of a deadline..." 

"Yeah, but it's not for a week or so!"

See?  Hard worker.

He's the most forgiving person I know.  There have been a lot of people who have hurt him deeply.  Anyone else would have written those people out of their lives for good.  He is amazing at moving past difficult things.

He's spiritual.  Always praying.  Always studying his scriptures.  When we lived in San Diego, he used to ride the trolley to and from work, school, and our apartment.  And how did he spend all of that time?  Listening to scriptures.  He's such a good, good person.  He's given me countless priesthood blessings, which were an immense help.  I probably asked for a blessing every other day when I was pregnant.  He always did it and never made me feel dumb. 

He's not judgmental.  He loves people for who they are.  He doesn't try to change them.

Kay.  I have this annoying thing where I just...need to hear from him what he loves about me.  It's really needy of me; I know.  It's just nice to hear sometimes.  Life beats you up. And you need to know that your husband thinks you are still a worthwhile person.  I'm sure he hates when I do this, but he always very kindly obliges me.  We lie in bed, spooning, and he tells me what he loves about me. And he tries to make it unique every time I ask him.  Poor guy.  I was falling asleep the last time he was telling me what he loved about me.  I was trying so hard to stay awake, but you know how it is when you're warm and comfortable and wrapped in someone's arms.  I vaguely remember him telling me that he liked my toes...

I think Ben is a little bit prophetic at times.  A lot of dreams that he has actually happen.  He once dreamed that his mom fell at work and hurt herself.  He called her to tell her to be careful.  A couple of days later, she fell off a ladder and broke her arm!  It's a little crazy.  He always knew long before the 20-week ultrasound the exact sex of each of our children.  He knew we were going to have a little blond girl before any children were even glimmering on the horizon.

Being with him is like being wrapped in your favorite sweater, sitting in your favorite chair, reading your favorite book, sipping your favorite drink.  So comfortable.  So easygoing.  He makes everyone feel at ease, cared for, respected.

Ben and I get into fits of laughter where we just can't stop giggling. I love that.  The last time that happened, we were about to hug goodbye - he was driving to the airport, and I was going to drive with the kids and his Aunties all the way home.  I was singing something and doing a really dorky dance move, and he hugged me and laughed and laughed. Which made me laugh.

He looks good in orange, don't you think?
He loooooooooves our kids.  I think it's really hard for him to be away from them.  He's probably relieved to be rid of me (I'm a pain in the arse), but I know for a fact that he is hurting being away from his kiddos.  He's the "fun parent."  I'm the one that doesn't feel like playing cars or horsey.  He's the one that is ready to play, anytime, anywhere.

He's my soulmate.  I love him.  Being without him is like trying to function with your arm cut off.  It just doesn't feel right.


Ben said...

You like me. You really, really like me! And, I really, really like you too. Thanks luvy. That may have unhurt my feelers;) Thank you again. I really crave your love and affection. It makes life worth living!

Gloria said...

Wow! What a standing ovation! Some of those things I just learned about my own son. He used to be a little clown even when he was little. Somewhere we have pictures of his crazy look. I'll join you in a mutual admiration and love of him. Thanks dear sweet Karlenn. I love you!

Lyndsay said...

Awww, Kar - this is about the sweetest post ever, you and Ben are both so lucky to have each other!!

Kathleen said...

Oh, this is so nice. He does love you and miss you, just so you know.

megan said...

This is such a sweet post Kar!! I got goose bumps reading it!! I'm so glad you have such a good guy!! You deserve it!

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