Endust and Licorice

So, like I said, Ben has been doing a fantastic job as Mr. Mom. (And nope, we haven't heard back from the engineer guy. Ben is going to call him today.) He has been cleaning like a mad man! I have started calling him Monica, because he's like Monica on Friends. He keeps buying all of these new cleaning gadgets. He got some special dry mop that you use to trap dustbunnies. He got a new toilet scrubber. He got that Scrubbing Bubbles shower spray thing that sprays your shower after you are done showering. I love sending him to the store, because he totally buys stuff like that. If I go to the store and go like $5 over the budget, he flips out. But he feels justified in spending an extra $20 on cleaning supplies. So funny.

So yesterday, I went home for lunch and kicked off my shoes. I was like, "The floor feels weird. What's going on?"

Ben was grinning from ear to ear, practically jumping up and down and clapping. "I waxed the wood floors!! I just finished!!"

"Oh really? I didn't know we had wax..."

"Well, I just used furniture polish."

"Um, Ben, I don't think furniture polish is the same as wax. And I've never heard of waxing wood floors. I've heard of re-finishing them..."

"Oh, furniture polish is totally the same thing as wax."

"Ben, you know how it is when you dust the shelves in here, and the extra spray gets on the floor, and then it's really slick right there, and everyone falls in their socks? Our WHOLE FLOOR is going to be like that!!"

"Oh, it will not. And look how shiny our floor is..."

So far, Sadie has biffed it once, and Dylan has biffed it once. I haven't, but it's just a matter of time. Ben says that it's not his fault that we're all clutzes. Grrr.

Ben is funny when it comes to cleaning. He's kind of clueless. Like, when we were first married, we had two dogs. And one of them had diarrhea in a few places on our purple-carpeted floor. I was at work, so Ben cleaned up the diarrhea, and then poured bleach on those spots on the carpet. Which obviously created big white spots on our purple carpet. When I came home, I was like, "Did you pour bleach on our carpet??"

"Yeah. Gromit had diarrhea all over the floor. I want to make sure I get all the germs killed."

"Ben, now the carpet is bleached out. It will never be purple again."

"Yes it will! That white is just the cleaning agent in the bleach. I'll rinse it out and it will be purple again."

Yeah. Not so much. He learned his lesson about bleach. Now I'm wondering when he'll learn his lesson about not putting furniture polish all over the wooden floors. Maybe not until someone breaks a bone, or when he falls.

He made crock pot chicken noodle soup yesterday for dinner, and he decided to doctor it up with spices. I don't know what the crap he put in there, but it tasted exactly like black licorice. And it smelled like the inside of Peaches Pets, the local pet store. He's like, "I added some extra spices to the soup! Isn't it awesome?"

"Um, Ben, it tastes like black licorice."

"Well, that's a good thing! I love black licorice!"

"Honey, I'm so grateful that you made dinner, but I really hate black licorice. Maybe you should stick with the recipe..."

He looked so sad that I choked it all down.