Guilt - the Main Motivating Factor in my Life

I usually do tons of blogging, as you know. But my blogginghood has been stymied for the past week or so, because I've been cooking. And cooking. And cooking.

Evidence:

I baked a few strawberry/rhubarb pies, and I took a couple of pieces over to my friend Megan. And she blogged about it and took this gorgeous picture! (Which totally made my day, Meg.)

Here's the thing. When we moved into this ward, I was immediately put into young women's, and when you're in young women's, you just don't really completely know what's going on in the ward. I got released (something about which I'm still mourning) a couple of weeks ago, and suddenly, there I was, in Relief Society. And I knew like three people in there. So I decided to get all gung-ho and sign up for every dang thing that's coming up, because I need to get to know these ladies! I can't do a lot of the activities - some are in the day, when I'm working, and I've skipped some of the nighttime activities, because I feel guilty about spending time away from my hubs and kids, because I work so much, and I want to stay home and spend time with them. So, because I feel really guilty about not going to every single activity, I keep signing up to cook stuff. So I cook stuff on my days off, and that way, I feel a little bit better. And I keep signing up for too much, I think. And then I get really stressed out, and my kitchen is in a perpetual state of stickiness. But I just can't stop.


And I'm a perfectionist. And there have been times when I've had a baby, and people sign up to bring meals, and um... they never showed up. Or a couple of times, people brought their "meal" over, and it was a small noodle casserole the size of a salad plate, intended for our entire family. And that's it. So whenever I bring a meal to someone, I'm like, "No one is starving on my watch!!!" So I bring in a three-course meal, a drink, and a dessert. Big-time overkill.

I also visit-teach four gals, three of whom are inactive and never, ever return phone calls. And I feel guilty that I don't get ahold of them, so I always cook yummy desserts and drop them off at said girls' homes with a nice note every month. (Megan is one of my visiting teachees, and she lets me into her house, but I bring her food just because she's fun and cool.)


My friend Kara had a baby. So I made a three-course meal for her a couple of weeks ago, plus a drink, plus dessert. Aaaaand, this month, it was May, and strawberries have been in season, and I thought to myself, I will make some strawberry/rhubarb pie. And I ended up making three pies. One for my family, and two (cut into pieces) for the myriads of people in the ward who are having a hard time or sick, plus my visiting teachees, plus my visiting teaching companion (I felt guilty that I haven't given her a baby gift yet, and her baby is now two months old), plus my grandpa and dad, who love strawberry/rhubarb pie.


Whew.


And then our young women had a fundraising Mexican meal, and an accompanying silent auction of baked goods. And because I'm still in mourning over being released from young women, and since I felt guilty that I couldn't afford to go to the Mexican fundraising meal, I signed up for the silent auction and made some homemade rolls for it (which were SOLD! [mallet pounding] for $12! Not bad...). I arrived to hand over my rolls like 30 seconds before the activity.


Whew.


Then I had some cute girls to whom I used to teach Sunday School (Did you get a load of that sentence structure, Mindy? A thing of beauty...) come over for Sunday dinner, and of course I had to do this complicated, three-course meal for them. And then Nat had us over for a lunch thing yesterday, and I brought this huge thing of pretzel salad. And tonight I made a complicated, three-course meal for cute Emily in my ward.


My kitchen is a catastrophe!!!


And my nose is burning, because I chopped up a bunch of jalapenos and anaheim peppers, and then rubbed my nose, and weird, potent pepper juice went up my nose. My eyes and nose are streaming right now...


I'm wondering if I need therapy to get over my guilt issues, because they're running me ragged!!!