Friday, January 23, 2009

White Trash Central

So. I've decided that the best place to observe white trash is at school Christmas recitals. Observe:

That is a lady, on the left (with the pink scrunchie in her hair) and her husband on the right. Daughter? No. Husband. He's about half her size. Ben and I call husbands like this "Sperm Donors."

And I'm not randomly negatively attacking these people. I have no problem with white trash, as long as they are nice white trash. This lady was MEAN.

So. I got to the auditorium half an hour early, and it was a good thing, because it filled up very quickly. I saved a seat right on the aisle for Ben, because he was coming straight from work during his lunch hour and needed to leave as soon as the Kindergarteners were done singing. Ben shows up about ten minutes until the show starts. In those last ten minutes, the auditorium got more and more and more crowded. There were people stuffed into every crevice possible. They allowed them in the aisles and right down in front of the risers that the kids were singing from. It was a total fire hazard. So, the beautiful woman pictured above, along with her Sperm Donor, come up the middle aisle. And they don't sit down. They just stay standing. Which, of course, obstructed everyone's view of their children. And the kindergarteners were just about to start singing. We couldn't see Dylan past her gorgeous pink scrunchie and healthy-looking hair.

So Ben actually yells, "Down in front!!" And she turns around and gives him the meanest look I've ever seen. And she yells, "We can't sit down!" (Whatever. She just didn't want to sit down.) And Ben yells, "Try!" More crusty looks from her. She finally sits down, and she turns around and yells sarcastically, "Is that better??" And Ben gave her a thumbs-up sign.

All through the show, she kept turning around and giving us crusties. And then Ben left to go back to work, but she kept looking at me like she was going to beat me up. Some other lady took Ben's seat, which was fine. And then the people right in front of me left, and who took those two seats? Mean White Trash Lady and Sperm Donor. And she kept turning around and giving me skanky looks. And she was like six inches away! How uncomfortable! So I took her picture so that I could share my neat times with you, dear readers. She didn't know it was of her. She probably assumed I was taking a picture of my kid. Nope.

As I was leaving, I ran into my mom's brother, Uncle Kurt. Uncle Kurt is the mellowest guy in the WORLD. But he was all fired up. I was like, "What's wrong?" So he told me that he was standing in the back, and his son was singing, and some lady stands right in front of his face and starts taking pictures. I guess this really riled him up, and he actually yells, "Sit down, you freakin' Mexican!" Yeah. Apparently he doesn't like Hispanics? I didn't know. Or maybe he was just mad and trying to find some way to hurt her feelings? So she turns around and looks at him, and he looks to his left and his right, like, who said that?

The funniest thing about that story is that, as he was telling me about it, he was, like, shouting it in the hallway that was chok-full of parents. And this school is, like, half Hispanic. So my eyes are wide, and I'm looking back and forth, like, dude, we are going to get beat up... So I kind of giggled nervously and got outta there.

So those are my stories. Here is Dylan, pre-singing:


And here are some videos. His teacher had a really good idea for the first number. She had them kind of do this... arm dance thingey with bows. It turned out super-cute:

And good ole' Jingle Bells:

3 comments:

Norlund Clan said...

That is too funny. I hate being in crowds of people. It is amazing how many rude people there are.

Nat said...

Jakob's was INSANELY crowded; I think in subsequent years they are going to do each grade separately. Sorry for all the rude people there.

megan said...

Yuck! I'm not looking forward to the crowds! I'm glad you got out of there alive!

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