Thursday, October 4, 2012

I am a Cylinder. And other weight-related news.

I'm taking a little Buffalo Trip Break.  Hope you don't mind.  Though, from the lack of comments, I don't think you will!  Wink!  Haha!

Kay.  So.  My weight.  It's an issue.  I've been re-sizing the ten zillion pictures Brianna put onto our laptop before we left (the girl takes sooooooooo many pictures.  She literally took 400 pictures of the Buffalo Bills game.  A lot to go through...), and I've thrown up in my mouth a few times at how nasty I look.  Yikes. 

Not to mention the chafing issue I've brought up here before.  Being chubby isn't only embarrassing, it's painful, dude.  Going to swimming parks - fuggedaboutit.

I maintain a very active lifestyle, but an active lifestyle does not negate crappy eating.  If you really want to lose weight, you have to change your eating.  Which historically I've had a really hard time with.  I LOVE FOOD.  And dieting is, historically, joyless.  At least for me.  I've tried counting calories.  I've tried Slim Fast.  I did some cleanse thing which lasted one day for me.  I just couldn't hack it.  And I have a raging Coca Cola addiction.  I'll admit to that up front.  Going without Coke makes me really, really sad. 

I've really made peace with my body in the past couple of years.  I figured that I exercise for heart health, and if I don't lose an ounce in the process, oh well.  My body likes being a size 14.  I'm a size 14, no matter how much or how little I exercise.  And I really, really hate the idea of dieting so that I can look like the Hollywood ideal.  That is sooo unattainable.  I'm tired of feeling like crap because I don't have the body of a skinny goddess.  I've had four kids and five pregnancies, gosh dang it.  The jig is up.  I'm not going to have a perfect body.  I don't have a personal nutritionist or a personal trainer.  And I'm 35.  Not 25. 

My dad has started selling this product called Tai Slim; he's been using it for a few months and he looks fantastic.  He swears up and down that it's the yummiest diet he's ever gone on.  He asked if I wanted to give it a try, and I was reeeeeeeeeeeally skeptical.  I've tried and failed at so many diets.  I was scared of trying and failing.  This is why I never make New Year's resolutions.  I can't take that feeling of failure if I can't keep my resolution.  But because I want to support my dad, I've decided to give it a shot.  I started on Tuesday. 

You have two shakes - one for breakfast, one for lunch.

Then you eat these things that taste like Now and Laters in between meals.  They're called Skinnys.  You have to drink them with 8 oz. of water - they bulk up inside and make you feel full.  Then you eat a healthy dinner.  It costs $2 per shake and $2 per skinny.  If you consider what you spend per meal or snack regularly, it's not a bad deal.

And I've got to tell you, so far, I'm doing so good!  And I mean good.  These shakes are seriously tasty.  They taste like Orange Julius drinks.  I actually look forward to drinking them.  And that's saying something.  The shakes are made of a scoop of vanilla or chocolate-flavored shake mix, 1/4 cup of this Tahitian gogi juice, 6 ice cubes, and fresh fruit of your choice.  I've had peach, strawberry, banana.... it's fantastic.  And it's not joyless.  Because I get to try all these different combinations of flavors.  And these shakes are extremely nutritious.  Each shake is the equivalent of like a billion vegetables, lots of meat, legumes, grains, etc. etc.  They have all this science to back it up.  Which puts my mind at ease.  I'm getting way more nutrients than I was before.

And the skinnys are yummy, too.  And they actually work.  I'm not hungry. 

I felt dizzy the first couple of days, and I honestly feel like it was because I was going through Coke withdrawal.  That stuff is FULL of sugar.  To see if my theory was correct, I sipped a Coke yesterday and immediately stopped feeling dizzy.

That is so sad.

But today I feel fantastic.  Energetic.  Healthy.  Maybe this diet, if nothing else, can kick my addiction to Coke.  If it does, it will be worth every penny.  I've always said that, if I stopped drinking Coke, I would drop 30 pounds. 

So there's this challenge you can sign up for with this diet.  You take your measurements and weigh yourself, and then you take a "before" picture.  I'm going to pick from the 1,000 disgusting pictures of my gut from our Buffalo trip.  No prob there.  And you set a goal.  My goal is to lose 12 pounds in three months.  I've heard that healthy weight loss is one pound per week.  So that's what I'm shooting for.  After 3 months, you take an "after" picture.  Then you submit your stuff, and you may win a really nice trip.

So I took my measurements, right?  They're seriously hilarious.  When I was skinny, I would have told you that I was shaped like a board.  I have NO CURVES.  Now that I'm more rotund, I'd say I'm shaped more like a cylinder.  Still zero curves.  My measurements?  41" chest, 40" waist, 42" hips.  Haha!  Yesssssss.
(This is me in the Buffalo Bills stadium, pretending I just made a touchdown and doing a touchdown dance.)

So long story short, I'm chubby.  I'm dieting.  And I'm not ready to slit my wrists.  That's pretty amazing.  Let's do another touchdown dance to celebrate.  Let me pause and consider where I creatively want this dance to go:
Alright, let's do this thing!!!

I'll keep you posted on how I do. 


megan said...

You are SO FUNNY!! I love those touch down picture:) I love how honest you are, Kar. You seriously don't look like a size 14! You're lucky that you're tall!:) I'm glad the shakes taste good and the diet is easy for you! It totally makes me want to try it.

Patty said...

So not fat.
Size is a number. That's it.

Mindy H. said...

I agree with Patty. Sizes don't matter. All that counts is how we feel. You are awesome and amazing and exercising/eating better will help you feel better. And if that doesn't work, just remember that you will always be skinnier than me ;-)

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