I'm going under the knife.

Sighhhh.  I only wish the title was a joke.  Or a cute play-on-words.  Pretty soon I will be joining these ladies:

Really, I just want to join because of the cool name.  Rhymes are very compelling things to me.

So I was diagnosed this last spring with a prolapsed uterus and a prolapsed bladder.

My symptoms with the prolapsed uterus have mainly been constant cramping of the abdomen and lower back (it feels like menstrual cramps.  All.  The.  Time.)  I've found that birth control takes the edge off the pain, but it's still there.  All day.  All night.  Every day.

With the prolapsed bladder, I have stress incontinence, which means that sneezing, coughing, or jumping are very adventurous activities for me.  If I'm going to work out, and it involves any kind of bouncing, I have to wear a pad.  If I can feel a sneeze coming on, I have to cross my legs and squeeze really, really tight.  I also experience pain when urinating.  I also have urgency feelings all the time.  Like you feel when you're about to pee your pants.  All.  The.  Time.  Then you go, and it's like...drip, drip.  And that's it.

I was really hoping that maybe I could just...deal with the pain.  Because having major surgery isn't something that has ever interested me.  Call me crazy.  But the pain has gotten worse in recent months, and my OBGYN assures me that the pain will eventually get worse and worse and worse until I will have no choice but to have this surgery.

So they are going to do a hysterectomy, as well as something called a "burch," which is a process where they "pin" my bladder up.  In regular hysterectomies, they don't have to make an incision.  However, with the bladder pin, they will have to.  They are CUTTING ME OPEN.  Which freaks me out.

And from everything I've heard, I'm going to be basically useless for the following six weeks.  I can't lift Gage.  (We're going to have to transition him to a toddler bed so he can get in and out by himself, dang it.)  I can't do dishes.  I can't vacuum.  I can't do laundry.  I can't lift laundry baskets.  I can't sweep.  Basically, anything where I would twist my body or bend over to do something, I cannot do.  Oh, and pushing grocery carts.  Can't do that, either.  Not to mention the pure exhaustion.  I have a relative who had a hysterectomy, and she was just wiped OUT for six weeks.  If she overdid it one day, she was dead meat the next day.  So this is going to be a really frustrating thing.  My house is going to be a pit.  Well, it's already a pit. So let me edit that.  It's going to be even pittier than before. 

I have let my Relief Society president know about it and asked her to arrange for a few meals to be brought over.  And I think I'd better start getting some freezer meals prepared.  I'll have help from my mom.  And Ben is going to just really have to help me when he returns from work each day.

The big day - November 15th.

I think it's safe to say that I won't be cooking Thanksgiving dinner.  Maybe we can order Chinese...(Good Chinese.  Americanized Chinese. I can handle that.)