Preparing

One afternoon, Dylan decided he wanted to play with Breckyn, or, as I like to call him, Baby on a Bike. He ran down to Breckyn's and found out that he was gone for a little while, but would be back soon and come to our house. Dylan got all ready. He set out the Hot Wheels he wanted to play with, and then he poured two drinks into his sports thermoses and labeled them:

Adorable. Breckyn never came over, which was fine with me. He's alright, but I just...get stressed out when other kids are in my house (except Nat's kids -they feel like my kids, so it doesn't bug me when they're here). Maybe that's weird. It just stresses me out. I have a hard enough time taking care of my three. To add any more to the mix really pushes me over the top. I get overwhelmed easily (a trait I inherited from my ma).


In other preparing news, I'm... hoping for the best and preparing for the worst with this pregnancy. I'm still not sick. I'm six weeks along. I should be puking all day and all night. I should have taken permanent residence on the couch. And... nothing. I should be thanking my lucky stars, but I've been down this road before - when I had my miscarriage in between Sadie and Micah. During that pregnancy, I felt fantastic. And the baby died when I was ten weeks along; I found out about it when I was 12 weeks along. I have reason to be concerned.

I'm trying not to think about it. I'm trying to be positive. I'm trying to take care of my body. We'll see what happens, I guess.

I asked Ben for a blessing of comfort the other night, and he didn't say one single word about whether or not this baby is in trouble. He told me after the blessing that the Spirit didn't give him any direction as far as that. The blessing said that I need to trust in the Lord, and to be spiritually in tune, and that if I do these things, the mysteries of God will be opened up to me. A powerful blessing. I couldn't help but be a teeny bit disappointed, though. What I really wanted to hear was, "Your baby is fine, and will grow to term and be perfectly healthy." I'm going to call and make my eight week appointment for a couple of weeks from now, and maybe we'll get more of an idea of what's going on at that point. Until then, I'll pray. I'll read my scriptures. I'll listen to the promptings of the Spirit. And I will do what Heavenly Father wants me to do.